


A Stupid Belief

by benedicteggs



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst, Gen, Mild Gore, Not really a pairing, Tokyo Ghoul: re, auction raid, someone had to do this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-19
Updated: 2015-04-19
Packaged: 2018-03-24 17:17:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3776890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/benedicteggs/pseuds/benedicteggs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[ “Takizawa,” she breathed, the name barely heard among the others. It couldn’t be. A pang of fear ran through her body because this couldn’t be. It was unimaginable. How? How? ]</p>
<p>A oneshot where Akira meets Takizawa at the Auction Raid. A bunch of angst ensues and Takizawa doesn't like emotions and just wants to eat stuff. No pairing! Mild gore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Stupid Belief

She stared down the dark, desolate hallway. Nothing presented itself to the investigator, but nevertheless, she could _feel_ a presence. An eerie, unpleasant feeling formed in her gut, making her queasier by the second. At last, she heard a noise. It was faint, but audible enough. The noise threw her off guard, for it didn't _sound_ like footsteps. There was no _clickety-clack_ of heels, nor was there a mere _thump_ of soft, padded feet. No, it sounded more like a sickening _sluuurp_ , like the noise one made noisily slurping on noodles. None of them dared to speak. Akira tightened the grasp on her father’s former-quinque, a blank, solemn look etched onto her face. She stood in front of the other squads, the rest of them anxiously awaiting orders.

At last, the slurping stopped. Once again, all was quiet. This only made the special-class investigator tense, ready for an incoming assault. This was it. She could already visualize the White Suits pouncing on her team and herself. With one whip of her weapon, she could easily gain the upperhand. There were bound to be casualties, but as long as they took down the group of ghouls, their mission would be fulfilled.

Then, a muffled _thud_. Too caught up in her imaginings, the blonde lashed out reflexively, her long-chained quinque slicing into thin air. False alarm. Nothing. Perhaps it was all in her head. However, a collective gasp amongst the investigators ruled differently. One step behind everyone else, Akira looked down. Scruffy beard, short ponytail, thinning eyebrows, crinkles around the edge of his eyes… laying by her feet was Special Class Investigator Daisuke Atou. Horrified, she stumbled back, grimacing in disgust. It wasn't Atou’s corpse that laid before her, but his head, decapitated from his body that was nowhere to be found. She couldn’t believe it. He was so talented at what he did. He seemed like one of the undefeatable, like one of the investigators she always aspired to be years ago. However, Atou was dead. There was no question about it. The one left unanswered was who had murdered him. Who was capable of murdering him. The ghoul had to be _S-ranked_ , at the very least.

Gaining back her composure, she steadied herself, glaring back up at the hallway. “Ready yourselves!” The blonde barked at her coworkers, not taking her eyes off of the corridor.

Suddenly, a cloaked figure emerged from the darkness, drifting in as silent as the passing wind. It kept its head down and it didn't talk, but it munched and munched and munched on what seemed to be the remains of Atou’s right arm. The ghoul gave no sign of noticing the gang of investigators, ready to strike, and kept chewing. Finally, it swallowed, a noisy gulp resounding through the quiet space.

“Delicious,” the thing rasped, raking his bony arm across his blood-stained lips, wiping off the excess flesh that stuck to the corners of his mouth. “I was so _hungry_.”

A cry of frustration stuck in Mado’s throat, as she could only watch as her respected investigator’s arm was flung carelessly behind the creature, like some piece of unwanted food. Atou was dead and she needed to avenge him. She would see to it that this monster was brought down. However, in most cases, she was the one to wait. She would let her opponent strike first, and in that moment, she’d scan through his attack patterns, his weak points, how good his defense was. So she’d let the ghoul go first. Letting Fueguchi fall limply to one side, she straightened, sticking out her chin, watching the ghoul with cold, calculating eyes.

At last, the creature looked up, its form still hunched, looking at the female investigator with wide, unblinking eyes. The ghoul had messy, uneven white hair that fell over his dark, baggy eyes. His kakugan was now fully visible, a frighteningly black iris with red streaks. His cheeks had a gaunt, hollow look to them. He was pale as a sheet. Akira Mado had never seen anyone in her life with features exactly like these, but they bore a frighteningly familiar look. She didn't know how she realized it. She just _knew_.

“ _Takizawa_ ,” she breathed, the name barely heard among the others. It couldn’t be. A pang of fear ran through her body because this _couldn’t be_. It was unimaginable. How? _How?_

\-------

Instead of moving, the pale ghoul merely tilted his head, still maintaining a blank stare. “Takizawa,” he copied, moistening his lips. He repeated the same name again, as if tasting the word, testing its familiarity. “Takizawa…”

It wasn't that he didn't know his own name. He was fully aware his name was Takizawa Seidou. Or at least, that’s what the others called him. It was the _way_ that investigator pronounced it. It wasn't a short, clipped monotonous tone like he was used to hearing. It was different. Though, he couldn’t pick out the difference. It was too hard. He didn’t like that. It confused him, that single word she uttered. It brought back unwanted feelings of anxiety and dread. Therefore, he had to shut it out. It was easy. All he needed to do was _end_ her. _Silence_ her words. _Beat_ her until she was _bloody_ and _battered_ , until she was unrecognizable. And, after all that was done, he would _consume_ her. Then, there would be nothing to fear.

Right?

\-------

Akira remained frozen in place, for what seemed like an eternity. She couldn’t think. She couldn’t move. She couldn’t remember what she was doing. She was so stunned at the creature before her that she didn't know how to react.

_This was impossible._

Those words ran rampant in her mind, over and over again. It wasn’t Takizawa. Yet, it was. It had to be. The resemblance was all too real. And, guiltily enough, a small part of her wanted him to be alive. The small part of her lingered onto that hope fueled her belief that the creature that stood before her was Takizawa. She clinged onto that desperate hope. Maybe, maybe, this was still her Takizawa. He looked different. He was half-ghoul. But, then again, wasn't Haise? This could work. She was willing to try. Takizawa could come back to her. Maybe… _maybe…_

“Look out!”

The blonde was jerked out of her thoughts when the hooded ghoul launched towards her, his arms outstretched and his hands in a claw-like position. Her breath hitched as she lept to the right, bringing her quinque forward and slashing it upward. It barely missed the ghoul, yet he didn't flinch. She was careful not to actually _hit_ Takizawa.

The white-haired man charged once again, this time bringing his foot forward and connected it with Akira’s chest, sending her flying backwards. She hit the wall, her back and arms slapping against the hard steel, letting out a soft cry. The blonde staggered back on her feet, blinking away the spots in her vision. She prepared for another attack, but Takizawa was nowhere near her. To her horror, she realized he was not paying attention to her anymore. Takizawa was now assaulting her colleagues, plucking limbs off left and right, a revolting grin plastered onto his face.

It was then that her hope had halted, her fantastical, naive belief had ceased to exist. This was _not_ Takizawa Seidou. This was _not_ her colleague, _nor_ her former classmate, _nor_ her companion. The thing that posed as Takizawa was merely a ghoul. A disgusting, ugly, miserable creature that had killed Atou. Her bewilderment quickly turned into rage and disgust at the vermin before her.     

“All of you, go ahead!” Akira commanded, still training her eyes on the creature. “The White Suits must be near! I’ll deal with this one.”

Seidou then jerked his head towards her voice, ignoring the remaining investigators that rushed past him and down the hallway. In response, the blonde gave it a grim smile.

In truth, the female investigator wanted to scream. She wanted to scream her lungs out, until her voice cracked and her throat burned. She wanted to scream and curse at the world.

_It’s not fair. It’s not fair!_

Ghouls had killed her parents. Ghouls had killed her friends. Ghouls had killed her subordinates and her leaders. Ghouls had taken away Amon and Takizawa, the only two people she had left in the world. Now, as if to further insult her, the world had turned Takizawa Seidou into a ghoul. Oh, how nauseating it was. She almost wanted to laugh. The world had taken everything away from her, yet she wasn't even allowed to mourn her losses appropriately. She wondered when it would ever stop its endless taunts.

_Give me a break, won’t you?_

She darted across the floor, closing the space between the two, attacking with her quinque. This time, there was no hesitation. Akira was aiming to kill. The monster simply stepped back with ease, ducking when the backlash of her weapon came. Unfazed, the blonde brought her whiplike quinque forth again and again, hacking at her opponent. She gritted her teeth in concentration, frustration displayed on her face.

The hooded ghoul, on the other hand, gave off no reaction. He didn't even reveal his kagune. The investigator sneered, taking it as an insult, only fueling her loathing towards the ghoul. She whipped her quinque at the creature another time, only for him to catch the end of it, holding it with both of his hands. Irked, she tugged at her weapon impatiently, to no avail. The ghoul’s grip was no match for her human strength.

\------

He knew she was familiar. He just didn't know how. From where had he seen her before? He tightened his hold against her quinque, gazing at it impassively, his mouth slightly open. He searched through the recesses of his mind, searching for memories of her. It hurt to think hard. His memories were fuzzy and incomplete; he didn't understand the majority of them.

_If only he knew her name…_

\------

“Your name,” Akira stopped struggling. The ghoul’s voice was barely audible; she wasn't sure if he had spoken at all.

“Your… name…”

It was clearer and more pronounced the second time. The blonde flinched violently, though the ghoul had not attacked her. A shudder ran down her spine as she began to shake with rage. How _dare_ this _thing_ ask for her name. This thing had killed Takizawa. It had absolutely no right to Takizawa’s memories, nor should it have the luxury of knowing who she was. Akira chose not to answer. Instead, she responded by kicking the creature in the knee, causing him to waver. As soon as his grip loosened, the investigator ripped it out of his hands, leaving scathing cuts all over his palms. The ghoul simply looked at his hands and back up at Akira. The investigator hesitated, wondering if he would ask the same dreaded question again. Instead, the creature stepped forward, swiping at the blonde like a wild animal. Akira backed away and lashed out with her quinque, managing to lodge it in his shoulder. At once, she yanked at Fueguchi, tearing out a considerable chunk from his shoulder.

A low hiss escaped from the creature’s mouth as he clutched at the wound, moving his hand back and forth, feeling the hole in his skin. Not giving the ghoul the chance to recover, the investigator struck again. However, this time, her opponent dodged the attack. Crouching low, he ran up to her, hands outstretched, aiming for her throat. Her eyes narrowed, anticipating his attack. She brought her quinque up, using it as a shield, blocking her view from the ghoul. Then, she looked up. Just as she had expected, the thing had jumped at the last second and was in the air, ready to pounce on her.

The investigator jumped to the side, letting the ghoul land on the floor, missing his target. She couldn’t help but click her tongue in exasperation. The Takizawa-ghoul was stronger and more agile, for sure, but his moves were as easy to predict as ever. There was no problem in one-upping his attacks. The only dilemma was that he seemed to have an infinite amount of energy, and if she were to slip up, one powerful blow to her body would be fatal. And he wasn't even using his kagune yet.

\------

_Who was she?_

_Who was she?_

There weren't a lot of things that bothered Takizawa. In fact, he could only imagine one scenario that would aggravate him on end.

People who kept him from his food.

Now, this blond-haired woman was here and had presented him with a _new_ problem. She made him question his memories. She made him eager to find out who she was to him. That was a bother. And worse, he can’t seem to _kill_ her.

_Why won’t you stay **still?**_

Takizawa never had a problem with killing others. It was simple. It was quick. It was easy. Not to mention, it was _fun_. It was mainly fun because he could easily dominate his opponents because he was better than they were. It felt so riveting to be better than the rest. He was the best. He was undefeatable.

_Just let me kill you. Let me **win.**_

It was so annoying. It was more than annoying. Far from it. The very situation tore at his being, filling him with these undefinable _emotions_ that made him _uncomfortable_ and _afraid_. It disgusted him. He didn't like _feeling_ ; it made him feel so very _weak_. His mind cried out to _END IT END IT RIGHT NOW_ but this woman wouldn't stop dodging his attacks and that only annoyed him some more.

He couldn’t help but feeling like he had been put in this situation before. It felt so familiar, like a _deja vu_ , but more. He’s experienced this multiple times, but that couldn’t be possible.

_I’ve always won before, haven’t I?_

This woman. This _damn_ woman. No matter how much he charged at her, exhausted his body to the fullest, she was always one step ahead of him. Why? _Why?_

Actually, he knew, didn't he? Now he knows. He remembers. He remembers. The one person who managed to surpass him. The one who would always be superior to him. This blond-haired, purple-eyed investigator was…

\------

“Akira Mado.”

Another shudder ran down the investigator’s spine, chilling her from head to toe in disgust. The monster even _sounded_ like him. It hurt, more than any damage the ghoul could ever inflict upon her. His words brought an aching to her chest, a painful reminder from days long gone. She wished the creature would just stop talking already.

“Akira Mado,” he said one more, stressing each word. The ghoul blinked once, mouth open in revelation. His eyes bore into hers, as he continued speaking. “I remember. You, the one who was better than me! Mado! My rival classmate!”

_Shut up. Shutupshutupshutupshutup—_

The blonde was now clenching the end of her quinque so tightly that her knuckles turned white. She clenched her teeth, holding back a cry of uncontrollable fury. She had mourned his loss already. That time was over. It wasn't fair. He shouldn't be back. She didn't deserve this. It took all her willpower to constrain herself and the emotions she desperately tried to conceal. On the outside, from the moment she had entered the building, Akira displayed a calm, professional look that she was determined to keep through the entire mission. It was like always. Though she knew this mission would be tough, she had never expected _this_. This Takizawa-ghoul thing threatened to expose her facade and reveal her inner emotions.

To tell the truth, she was distraught. Frantic. Panic-stricken. Akira wasn't sure what she would do if she decided to let her true nature control her. Would she run away? Curl up into a corner and cry her heart out? Or, would she just scream? Would she stand her ground and pour out her thoughts, her grievings, and vent to the monster that had taken the man she cared so dearly for? And then, in the end, would Akira Mado give up? Yes, it would be so easy. The ghoul could do something for her, afterall. Her suffering could end here.

_~~Please, kill me.~~ _

Akira drew a sharp intake of breath, almost choking on her almost-formed thoughts. What was she thinking? Amon wouldn’t want that. Guilt churned in her stomach. She forced herself to push away that selfish mindset, and focus on the object in front of her. Right now, it didn’t matter if that _thing_ used to be Takizawa Seidou. It didn’t matter. What mattered was carrying out her mission. CCG had assigned her leader of two other squads, and they were counting on her. She was here to exterminate the White Suits, combat the ghouls, save the humans, and capture Big Madam at all costs.

What was that Amon had said to her?

_When you’re in front of an enemy, even if you’re hands are trembling— fight._

Those words, from her father, shared to her by her partner, came to be the very mentality she adopted on the battlefield. How wrong she had been. She couldn’t end her suffering by giving up. She needed to fight, to stand her ground against her worst nightmares. She would carry on, not just for herself, but for the people she loved. Her father. Her mother. Amon. Takizawa. All her comrades that had fallen, she would fight for. Akira knew this was the right thing to do. And with that, she surged forward, planning a fresh wave of attacks.

The blonde figured, since she was battling her rival classmate, why not make the fight more _amusing_ for her?

“Hey, Takizawa,” she called, jeeringly, “what’s the matter? So you do remember me. Then, I suppose you can also recall that _I_ graduated valedictorian, while _you_ came in second best?”

She watched a grin slowly unfurl on his lips, trying not to grimace. His dark lips were smeared with blood, making it look like a bad lipstick job. She would have laughed if the situation wasn't so horrifying. Then, he bared his teeth, his ugly, yellow teeth that had chunks of human flesh stuck in the crevices of it. In the past, she would tease him for letting food get stuck in his teeth. He wouldn't hear the end of it. Now, it didn't seem so appropriate. It was far more gruesome, enough to turn her stomach. So, she left her commentary unspoken.

Ignoring her racing heartbeat and the ache in her chest, she plastered a lazy smirk on her face, once again mocking the ghoul. “Come on! Fight me! I've been going _easy_ on you, but I’ll go all out if you do.” Akira gestured to her quinque, raising her eyebrows. “I have mine. Where’s _yours?_ ”

The creature let out a chuckle. “Ah, I guess it can’t be helped, can it?”

A massive blade formed on his shoulders, decorated with a plumage of spikes that covered his shoulder blades. The blond-haired investigator narrowed her eyes.

_A ukaku?_

\------

After giving the investigator some time to marvel over his kagune, Takizawa launched himself forward, another giggle escaping his lips. There was no way Mado would win this time. He had already seen it in her eyes, had smelled it in her scent, and had tasted in the air surrounding her. Akira Mado was _afraid_ of him. For the first time, she was intimidated by him. Perhaps this was the reason why he couldn’t stop laughing. How refreshing it felt for a change of pace. Yet, it was humorously cruel that he had to _lose_ so much to _gain_ this small victory. He had to ask himself: was it worth it?

( The answer was yes. )

Bounding forward step after step, he shot shards of his spikes in Akira’s direction, forcing her to jump out of the way. While she was distracted, he struck with his blade. The blonde managed to parry it with her quinque, but j _ust barely_. Takizawa watched with a gleeful look as her face screwed up in concentration, her breathing becoming choppy and uneven.

She then took the offense, attacking with her quinque. It was long and bulky, dangerous enough to do lasting damage, but he had no problem dodging it. He was an ukaku-type, afterall. Fortunately, he had the agility and speed to overcome her strikes. Although, her endurance was amazing. For such a heavy-weight weapon, it was a wonder how she could attack over and over again with such precision and power. Takizawa had to give the investigator credit; Akira Mado was a worthy opponent.

He jumped back, avoiding the tail of her quinque. Once the quinque missed him, he surged forward, shooting forth a new wave of spikes. This time, Mado wasn't so lucky. She brought down the majority with a lash from her weapon, but a few caught the edge of her arm, tearing her uniform and leaving open gashes. Takizawa didn't give her a chance to retaliate. He shot another volley of his kagune, while swiping at the woman with his sword. Akira had to jump to the side to avoid his spikes, but had no time to coordinate with her feet. She landed on her side instead, a cry of pain escaping her throat. Her right arm, torn up and slashed from Takizawa’s blade, was in no condition to use her quinque. She had no other options but to scoot away, wincing with each move. She switched her weapon over to her left side, which the ghoul found to be considerably less tactful compared to her right. All the while, he laughed and laughed, unable to wipe away the mad grin on his face.

“You've underestimated me,” he simpered, observing Akira amusedly. The blonde gave no response. With each step closer to his former-classmate, she inched away, still too exhausted to stand. The quiet fear still lingered in her eyes.

_She fears me. She fears me. She fears me._

This was it. This was his victory. It was exhilarating. He took his time, wanting to treasure this moment.

_I’ve won! I’ve won! I’ve finally done it._

He knelt down so that he had reached eye level with Mado. The investigator didn't flinch, nor did she move away. She just stared unwaveringly back at Takizawa. What was with her gaze? It made him a little insecure. The fear had vanished from her eyes. Instead it was now filled with— what was that? Determination? Strength? Will? He won, didn't he? How could she look at him like that? Like she was still commanding him, willing him to do what she wants. And, what was it that she wanted? It confused him. She should be broken by now. He was the dominant now. And she would bend to _his_ will.

Takizawa grabbed her shoulders harshly, forcing her to the ground. His sharp nails dug into her skin, pinning her down to the ground. She winced at the sudden motion, but nevertheless, kept staring at him, unblinking. Her breathing eased off into a normal, steady pace. He could no longer feel her rushing adrenaline, nor her anxiety. Her expression gave off nothing but a poker face. It frustrated him to not know what she was thinking. The ghoul pressed into her shoulders harder, leaning closer to her face. However… she smelled so delectable.

\------

She really had tried. She gave her best effort, to the point of collapsing from over exhaustion. Though, she knew in the back of her mind that her determined will was not enough to overcome the creature’s power. It was too overwhelming for the investigator, and she knew that once his kagune appeared. She supposed taunting an SS-rated ghoul was not the smartest idea.

She was pinned down to the ground. The blonde had no choice but to stay still, for any sign of resistance could lead to an untimely death. However, Akira found herself somewhat relieved. She had done her duty. She gave it her best shot. Wasn't that enough? There was no way anyone would expect her to take down such a powerful ghoul by herself, anyway. The blonde concluded that death couldn’t be the worst thing that could happen to her.

_~~Besides, no one would really miss her, right?~~ _

The ghoul was now staring at her. She found it quite funny. What was he waiting for? He certainly had the upperhand, why wasn’t he doing anything? He wasn't hesitating before. What made him stop? What was this, did he need her permission or something?

“Go ahead,” Mado kept a straight face, finally replying to the creature. “You've won, Takizawa. Now kill me.”

The white-haired ghoul simply cocked his head to the side, his teeth still bared. She was getting annoyed. It should be simple; this was taking too much time.

“Kill me!” Akira snapped, now glaring up at him. “I lost! Congratulations! Now get on with it!”

Takizawa didn't move.

Akira couldn’t handle it.

“Why?” She nearly screams. Her bottom lip trembled, her eyes once again threatening to spill tears. “Seidou— Seidou, _please_ … “

Finally, he makes his move. Akira wasn't sure if he had obliged to her plea, or if he was simply a hungry ghoul. Takizawa’s jaw embeds itself deep into the blonde’s shoulder. She stops breathing. Time slows. She’s suddenly stricken with panic because she’s being eaten she’s being _EATEN_ alive—

Then, a sickening tear. Her left shoulder seems hollow. She can feel the draft breeze by the empty space. She didn’t dare look. Or touch. She thought it’d be more painful. The wound just felt… hollow.

Her eyes meet his. He blinks as he chews and swallows. He lets out a contempt sigh. She waited. She begged internally for him to bite somewhere more _life-threatening_ , like her throat or something. It was over, and she wanted it to get it done as quickly as possible. The feelings of sorrow and embarrassment had already set in.

Instead, the ghoul sat up, releasing her from his grasp. Akira didn’t understand. Why wasn’t she dead yet? She wanted him to _hurry up_ already.

“I won,” Takizawa stated, a content, bragging smile worn on his lips. “It’d be a shame if you were to die just right after I can finally _brag_ about it. You don’t get off that easy. Next time, I’ll beat you again, and I get to devour _another_ chunk of your flesh.”

He laughed again, and then he was off of her. “See you next time, Akira Mado!”

Before she could say another word, the hooded ghoul was gone. The blonde was left with a bitten-off shoulder, bleeding wounds and bruises, and an untold aching in her heart. She managed to sit up, still staring off into the hallway Takizawa disappeared into. Akira considered running after him. She stopped herself, for Takizawa Seidou was gone, already long gone, long before this mission. The female investigator was now left alone in the empty room.  
  


_..._

One minute had passed.

The aching had not stopped. There was still no one here. It was quiet.  
  


_..._

Then five.  
  


_..._

Then ten.  
  


She was about to count fifteen when the crying had begun. At first, it was choked, subdued sobs that she tried to hold back. When it began to build in her chest, she decided it couldn’t be held back anymore.  
  


She cried.  
  


She cried for her parents, for Amon, for Takizawa. She cried at the selfish thought that she was left _alone_ in the world without a reason. Where did she go wrong?

Mostly, from fresh events, she cried for Takizawa Seidou. Her rival classmate. Her colleague. Her trusted friend. She started filling her mind with dreaded thoughts.

 

_If I hadn’t told him to go fight and look for Amon…_

_If only I had protected him better…_

_I didn’t mean to be so harsh on him, I take it back, I take it back—_

_Please give me back Seidou. I miss him. I miss him._

 

She was exhausted. Also, the gaping wound in her shoulder didn’t do her any good. At last, she felt the effects of the bite, making her light-headed and nauseous. There was a good amount of blood lost. It was pooling out on the floor. She stood up, swaying on her feet. Before turning to leave, she looked down the empty corridor once more, still naively believing. She wanted to believe that Takizawa, the _real_ Takizawa will come running down the hall with his brown hair and his CCG-donned outfit and she could tease him once more for being such an incompetent, airheaded idiot. The blonde let out a humorless chuckle.  
  


_What a stupid, naive belief. The world never worked like that, did it?_

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo... apparently some people don't like Akira? But? How??   
> I get she was an asshole to Takizawa but tbh other than that she did nothing wrong?? Petition to add her onto the "they did nothing wrong" list because oh my god she's suffered too much losses—  
> And I'm done with that rant. My first tokyo ghoul fic, as well as my first AoO story. Before I used fanfiction.net yeah go ahead and groan it was gross ik


End file.
